I'm My Date Tonight

What are the things I used to do before. When I knew how to love me and self care me and be with me automatically. Now It's like a date. I have to prep for it, put the kids to bed, hover over their bedroom door to make sure they're actually sleeping, pick up all their mess...and my mess, my emotional mess. I smile at myself hypocritically as I catch a glance of me in the mirror.., then I decide that I should actually sit down and read or get some writing done.

By then I realize that I am really actually thinking of sleeping, which now sounds better than Pandora ever has. I still push through the thought of actually doing something for me. I pour the whiskey into that cup. That Jim Beam cup he gave me years ago that says Honey. The one I somehow think is a dedication to me. I listen to the sounds the house makes for a moment. I look at my favorite chair, glance at my favorite spot. Am I really going to have the opportunity to sit in that just now?

Then right there, gratitude sinks in. I think about my shoes and how they've taken me many places. My same Chuck Taylor's since I was 20. My friend and I say, "oh if Chucks could talk.." As I sit, my favorite song comes on, and I start feeling thankful for my cell phone and my legs. For the sun. For simplicity. Options. For my creativity and freedom to choose in this country. For me and my resilience. Starting over. And reinventing myself. Getting past anything and everything. And not requiring much.

Now, it no longer seems important to sit and think. I check on my kids again. I take my drink to bed. I can't sleep. So I write. And I research, and I study until 4 in the morning. Then when my kid wakes up at 6 am I don't want to kill anyone. No. Because I have another date with me tomorrow night.

#SimplifyingLife #EmbracingMyself