Observing, then Disappearing

I noticed the other day how absurd it is that we go through our walks of life observing others. Recognizing that each one of us has our own story. I've noticed how I like to sit at windows. Wherever I may be, at a cafe, a restaurant, a bus, I merge to the chair with the outside view. And watch. Just people watch. Do you go through your day smiling randomly at people? It feels really nice.

My mother's elderly sister likes to window people watch. She becomes upset when she's forced to live in places without a window. Or people to watch. Passerby's. My family once searched for her perfect living space. Because she used to disappear. For days no one would know of her whereabouts. So they tried different things. She lived with my mother for a few months...days? My mom lives secluded at the top of a hill, overlooking her neighbors, with pine trees completely surrounding her house. There is no person to be seen or passing by there. After a few weeks, my aunt created a reason to leave.

I create reasons to leave. I think I understand how it would be to live secluded. After someone is secluded for so long, when a person finally comes near, it becomes incommodious . There is no space or separation between the two people. The mission grows into being with each other's faces and be always talking. Talking about what's wrong with the world. What's wrong with that cup. What's wrong with the neighbor. And what's wrong with...ME. So in my head where I have created a serene space of pure joy, positivity, and appreciation, where I have decided to observe the world from a different lens, there is suddenly a disruption. Then I create reasons. Reasons to leave. Towards my happiness. To my serenity.

Ironically, I think I will be the person that can't live secluded. I will need a view. I will need daily human interaction. I will need family. And then I will need my space. My space to bury myself in myself. And create. Art, music, creativity, anything. A lot of space. Breezes. Sunshine. People. Music. And then possibly, I'll disappear for two days. But I'll be back.

#Awkardgirl